For your science manuals
There are a lot of manuals for employees of Aperture Laboratories. But you don't necessarily have to read them. Being honest here. We used to hire smarter folks, but our death turnover rate is so high that we've had to lower our standards to the less-than-literate. But here's your Employee Manual and the various books on radiation poisoning that the government requires us to give all new hires.
But really, don't bother reading them. It's not necessary to do your job. Just follow Cave Johnson's voice and you'll be fine, okay? Take these bookends, they'll hold the books up. Why yes, they do look exactly like a test subject going through a portal on one side and out the portal on the other. Pretty clever, isn't it? Now let's get you off to your first testing assignment - I hear you're in the control group.
Product Specifications
{"cats":{"gaming":{"nav_text":"Gaming","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Gaming","slug":"gaming","id":1},"ps4":{"nav_text":"PS4","is_in_nav":true,"title":"PS4","slug":"ps4","id":2},"ps3":{"nav_text":"PS3","is_in_nav":true,"title":"PS3","slug":"ps3","id":3},"xbox-360":{"nav_text":"Xbox 360","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Xbox-360","slug":"xbox-360","id":4},"xbox-one":{"nav_text":"Xbox One","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Xbox-One","slug":"xbox-one","id":5},"pc-gaming":{"nav_text":"PC","is_in_nav":true,"title":"PC-Gaming","slug":"pc-gaming","id":6},"wii-u":{"nav_text":"Wii U","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Wii-U","slug":"wii-u","id":7},"geek":{"nav_text":"Geek","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Geek","slug":"geek","id":8},"home":{"nav_text":"Home","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Home","slug":"home","id":10},"kitchen":{"nav_text":"Kitchen","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Kitchen","slug":"kitchen","id":11},"electronics":{"nav_text":"Electronics","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Electronics","slug":"electronics","id":12},"home-theater":{"nav_text":"Home Theater","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Home Theater","slug":"home-theater","id":13},"alcohol-home":{"nav_text":"Alcohol","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Alcohol-Home","slug":"alcohol-home","id":14},"toys":{"nav_text":"Toys","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Toys","slug":"toys","id":15},"clothing":{"nav_text":"Clothing","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Clothing","slug":"clothing","id":16},"womens-clothing":{"nav_text":"Women's","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Women's Clothing","slug":"womens-clothing","id":18},"mens-clothing":{"nav_text":"Men's","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Men's Clothing","slug":"mens-clothing","id":19},"nerd":{"nav_text":"Nerd","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Nerd","slug":"nerd","id":21},"panties":{"nav_text":"Panties","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Panties","slug":"panties","id":22},"fallout":{"nav_text":"Fallout","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Fallout","slug":"fallout","id":23},"smart-tv":{"nav_text":"Smart TV","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Smart TV","slug":"smart-tv","id":24},"4k-tv":{"nav_text":"4K TV","is_in_nav":true,"title":"4K TV","slug":"4k-tv","id":25},"3d-tv":{"nav_text":"3D TV","is_in_nav":true,"title":"3D TV","slug":"3d-tv","id":27},"portal":{"nav_text":"Portal","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Portal","slug":"portal","id":29},"big-bang-theory":{"nav_text":"Big Bang Theory","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Big Bang Theory","slug":"big-bang-theory","id":51},"thinkgeek-bestsellers":{"nav_text":"ThinkGeek Best","is_in_nav":true,"title":"ThinkGeek Bestsellers","slug":"thinkgeek-bestsellers","id":58},"star-trek":{"nav_text":"Star Trek","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Star Trek","slug":"star-trek","id":61},"boobs":{"nav_text":"Boobs","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Boobs","slug":"boobs","id":62},"bacon":{"nav_text":"Bacon","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Bacon","slug":"bacon","id":63},"ninja":{"nav_text":"Ninja","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Ninja","slug":"ninja","id":64},"sock-monkey":{"nav_text":"Sock Monkey","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Sock Monkey","slug":"sock-monkey","id":65},"bush":{"nav_text":"Bush","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Bush","slug":"bush","id":66},"free-to-play":{"nav_text":"Free to Play","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Free to Play","slug":"free-to-play","id":30},"pets":{"nav_text":"Pets","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Pets","slug":"pets","id":31},"nintendo-ds":{"nav_text":"Nintendo DS","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Nintendo DS","slug":"nintendo-ds","id":32},"nintendo-3ds":{"nav_text":"Nintendo 3DS","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Nintendo 3DS","slug":"nintendo-3ds","id":33},"playstation-vita":{"nav_text":"PlayStation Vit","is_in_nav":true,"title":"PlayStation Vita","slug":"playstation-vita","id":34},"wii":{"nav_text":"Wii","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Wii","slug":"wii","id":36},"thumb-drive":{"nav_text":"Thumb Drives","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Thumb Drive","slug":"thumb-drive","id":37},"iphone-accessories":{"nav_text":"iPhone Accessor","is_in_nav":false,"title":"iPhone Accessories","slug":"iphone-accessories","id":38},"phone-accessories":{"nav_text":"Phone Accessori","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Phone Accessories","slug":"phone-accessories","id":39},"ipad":{"nav_text":"iPad","is_in_nav":false,"title":"iPad","slug":"ipad","id":40},"games":{"nav_text":"Games","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Games","slug":"games","id":41},"kids-games":{"nav_text":"Kid's Games","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Kid's Games","slug":"kids-games","id":42},"comics":{"nav_text":"Comics","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Comics","slug":"comics","id":43},"movies":{"nav_text":"Movies","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Movies","slug":"movies","id":44},"socks":{"nav_text":"Socks","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Socks","slug":"socks","id":45},"music":{"nav_text":"Music","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Music","slug":"music","id":46},"mass-effect":{"nav_text":"Mass Effect","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Mass Effect","slug":"mass-effect","id":47},"bobble-head":{"nav_text":"Bobble Head","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Bobble Head","slug":"bobble-head","id":48},"dead-pool":{"nav_text":"Dead Pool","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Dead Pool","slug":"dead-pool","id":49},"mac-gaming":{"nav_text":"Mac","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Mac Gaming","slug":"mac-gaming","id":50},"coffee-mugs":{"nav_text":"Coffee Mugs","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Coffee Mugs","slug":"coffee-mugs","id":52},"posters":{"nav_text":"Posters","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Posters","slug":"posters","id":53},"minecraft":{"nav_text":"Minecraft","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Minecraft","slug":"minecraft","id":54},"baby-clothing":{"nav_text":"Baby","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Baby Clothing","slug":"baby-clothing","id":55},"baseball-caps":{"nav_text":"Baseball Caps","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Baseball Caps","slug":"baseball-caps","id":56},"meme":{"nav_text":"Meme","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Meme","slug":"meme","id":57},"solar":{"nav_text":"Solar","is_in_nav":true,"title":"Solar","slug":"solar","id":59},"cube-stuff":{"nav_text":"Cube Stuff","is_in_nav":false,"title":"Cube Stuff","slug":"cube-stuff","id":60}},"sellers":{"amazoncom":{"id":1,"name":"Amazon.com","slug":"amazoncom","featured_item_id":1,"is_cj":"f","cj_domain":null,"cj_merch_id":null},"bethesda-store":{"id":3,"name":"Bethesda Store","slug":"bethesda-store","featured_item_id":12,"is_cj":"f","cj_domain":null,"cj_merch_id":null},"cafepress":{"id":9,"name":"CafePress","slug":"cafepress","featured_item_id":61,"is_cj":"t","cj_domain":"www.dpbolvw.net","cj_merch_id":10467594},"delias":{"id":16,"name":"dELiA's","slug":"delias","featured_item_id":164,"is_cj":"f","cj_domain":null,"cj_merch_id":null},"ebay":{"id":14,"name":"Ebay","slug":"ebay","featured_item_id":129,"is_cj":"f","cj_domain":null,"cj_merch_id":null},"etsy":{"id":13,"name":"Etsy","slug":"etsy","featured_item_id":122,"is_cj":"f","cj_domain":null,"cj_merch_id":null},"jinx":{"id":12,"name":"Jinx","slug":"jinx","featured_item_id":121,"is_cj":"f","cj_domain":null,"cj_merch_id":null},"kickstarter":{"id":7,"name":"KickStarter","slug":"kickstarter","featured_item_id":147,"is_cj":"f","cj_domain":null,"cj_merch_id":null},"midtown-comics":{"id":5,"name":"Midtown Comics","slug":"midtown-comics","featured_item_id":18,"is_cj":"f","cj_domain":null,"cj_merch_id":null},"petsmart":{"id":15,"name":"PetSmart","slug":"petsmart","featured_item_id":154,"is_cj":"f","cj_domain":null,"cj_merch_id":null},"starbucks":{"id":4,"name":"Starbucks","slug":"starbucks","featured_item_id":16,"is_cj":"f","cj_domain":null,"cj_merch_id":null},"steam":{"id":11,"name":"Steam","slug":"steam","featured_item_id":119,"is_cj":"f","cj_domain":null,"cj_merch_id":null},"thinkgeek":{"id":2,"name":"ThinkGeek","slug":"thinkgeek","featured_item_id":11,"is_cj":"t","cj_domain":"www.dpbolvw.net","cj_merch_id":10746449},"vat19":{"id":6,"name":"Vat19","slug":"vat19","featured_item_id":19,"is_cj":"t","cj_domain":"www.kqzyfj.com","cj_merch_id":11298084}},"nav":[{"nav_text":"Clothing","slug":"clothing","nav_children":[{"nav_text":"Men's","slug":"mens-clothing"},{"nav_text":"Socks","slug":"socks"},{"nav_text":"Women's","slug":"womens-clothing"}]},{"nav_text":"Electronics","slug":"electronics","nav_children":[{"nav_text":"3D TV","slug":"3d-tv"},{"nav_text":"4K TV","slug":"4k-tv"},{"nav_text":"Home Theater","slug":"home-theater"},{"nav_text":"Smart TV","slug":"smart-tv"},{"nav_text":"Thumb Drives","slug":"thumb-drive"}]},{"nav_text":"Gaming","slug":"gaming","nav_children":[{"nav_text":"Free to Play","slug":"free-to-play"},{"nav_text":"Mac","slug":"mac-gaming"},{"nav_text":"Nintendo 3DS","slug":"nintendo-3ds"},{"nav_text":"Nintendo DS","slug":"nintendo-ds"},{"nav_text":"PC","slug":"pc-gaming"},{"nav_text":"PlayStation Vit","slug":"playstation-vita"},{"nav_text":"PS3","slug":"ps3"},{"nav_text":"PS4","slug":"ps4"},{"nav_text":"Wii","slug":"wii"},{"nav_text":"Wii U","slug":"wii-u"},{"nav_text":"Xbox 360","slug":"xbox-360"},{"nav_text":"Xbox One","slug":"xbox-one"}]},{"nav_text":"Geek","slug":"geek","nav_children":[{"nav_text":"Big Bang Theory","slug":"big-bang-theory"},{"nav_text":"Comics","slug":"comics"},{"nav_text":"Portal","slug":"portal"},{"nav_text":"ThinkGeek Best","slug":"thinkgeek-bestsellers"}]},{"nav_text":"Home","slug":"home","nav_children":[{"nav_text":"Alcohol","slug":"alcohol-home"},{"nav_text":"Kitchen","slug":"kitchen"},{"nav_text":"Posters","slug":"posters"}]}],"postListing":{"filtered":[{"last_updated":"2013-08-30T00:15:44.926Z","image_url":"http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41HZyJXaAWL.jpg","price":"9.29","base_general_rank":8.7,"ext_url":"http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007IXAG5G/?tag=po02d-20","tag_line":"Portal 2 Black/White One Size Long Fall Socks","description":"* Makes Great Gift\r\n* Officially Licensed\r\n* Chell's Aperture Science Long Fall Socks are great for any gamer!","amzn_sales_rank":null,"image":"","specs":"","slug":"portal-2-blackwhite-one-size-long-fall-socks","release_date":null,"general_rank":3.46083735486445,"is_deleted":false,"user_submitted":false,"monetized":false,"general":true,"created":"2013-08-30T00:15:44.926Z","tag_line2":"","id":203,"carousel_items":[],"categories":["portal","geek","gaming","socks"],"item_category_tags":[],"is_preorder":false,"seller":"amazoncom"},{"last_updated":"2013-07-25T23:46:56.687Z","image_url":"","price":"12.99","base_general_rank":8.7,"ext_url":"http://www.dpbolvw.net/click-7209644-10746449?url=http%3A//www.thinkgeek.com/product/11ce/%3Fcpg%3Dcj%26ref%3D%26CJURL%3D%26CJID%3D4080324","tag_line":"Portal 2 Companion Cube Ladies' Panties","description":"When you picked up the Companion Cube, you promised to love it always. Of course, love can be difficult. You don't always get what you want. Sometimes, you get hurt. And every once in a while, you need to throw the one you love into the furnace in order to complete the test. Wear the object of your affection stretched over your hindquarters with this adorable pair of panties.\r\n\r\n95% cotton and 5% spandex panties with Portal 2 Companion Cube printed in the front.","amzn_sales_rank":null,"image":"photos/11ce_portal_companion_cube_panties_1.300x300_1.jpg","specs":"","slug":"portal-2-companion-cube-ladies-panties","release_date":null,"general_rank":3.2139550844955,"is_deleted":false,"user_submitted":false,"monetized":true,"general":false,"created":"2013-07-25T23:46:56.687Z","tag_line2":"BFF","id":21,"carousel_items":[],"categories":["womens-clothing","geek","gaming","clothing","panties","nerd","portal"],"item_category_tags":[],"is_preorder":false,"tooltipimages":[],"seller":"thinkgeek"},{"last_updated":"2016-10-24T01:43:02.008Z","image_url":"http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41GuEFZ%2BqBL.jpg","price":"3.99","base_general_rank":0.03,"ext_url":"http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0075XFMCG/?tag=po02d-20","tag_line":"APERTURE SCIENCE LABORATORIES Decal Window Sticker","description":"","amzn_sales_rank":31462,"image":"","specs":"","slug":"aperture-science-laboratories-decal-window-sticker","release_date":null,"general_rank":0.503781243393499,"is_deleted":false,"user_submitted":false,"monetized":true,"general":false,"created":"2013-08-30T00:48:15.804Z","tag_line2":"","id":224,"carousel_items":[],"categories":["portal"],"item_category_tags":[],"is_preorder":false,"seller":"amazoncom"}],"featured":{"last_updated":"2016-10-24T01:42:10.431Z","image_url":"","price":"29.99","base_general_rank":0.52,"ext_url":"http://www.dpbolvw.net/click-7209644-10746449?url=http%3A//www.thinkgeek.com/product/e9cc/%3Fcpg%3Dcj%26ref%3D%26CJURL%3D%26CJID%3D4080324","tag_line":"Portal Bookends","description":"__For your science manuals__\r\n\r\nThere are a lot of manuals for employees of Aperture Laboratories. But you don't necessarily have to read them. Being honest here. We used to hire smarter folks, but our death turnover rate is so high that we've had to lower our standards to the less-than-literate. But here's your Employee Manual and the various books on radiation poisoning that the government requires us to give all new hires.\r\n\r\nBut really, don't bother reading them. It's not necessary to do your job. Just follow Cave Johnson's voice and you'll be fine, okay? Take these bookends, they'll hold the books up. Why yes, they do look exactly like a test subject going through a portal on one side and out the portal on the other. Pretty clever, isn't it? Now let's get you off to your first testing assignment - I hear you're in the control group.\r\n\r\n__Product Specifications__\r\n\r\n* Bookends for test subjects at Aperture Science\r\n* Left side features half of a test subject going through an orange portal\r\n* Right side features the other half of the test subject coming out the blue portal\r\n* Officially licensed Portal collectible\r\n* Made of shiny & durable aluminum, non-slip rubber padding on bottom\r\n* Dimensions: 4\" x 5\" x 2.25\" each","amzn_sales_rank":null,"image":"photos/e9cc_portal_bookends_2.jpg","specs":"","slug":"portal-bookends","release_date":null,"general_rank":0.369746744015395,"is_deleted":false,"user_submitted":false,"monetized":true,"general":true,"created":"2013-07-22T05:51:09.131Z","tag_line2":"Welcome to Aperture Science's Library!","id":11,"carousel_items":[],"categories":["geek","gaming","portal"],"item_category_tags":[],"is_preorder":false,"tooltipimages":["photos/e9cc_portal_bookends_3.jpg","photos/e9cc_portal_bookends_closeup_1.jpg","photos/e9cc_portal_bookends_inuse_2.jpg"],"seller":"thinkgeek"}},"title":"Portal | PopOnIt.com (Beta)"}